Annisworkingonit's Journal

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27 July 2024

Good Morning FS friends

Went to dinner with my friend before the Babyface concert last night. Had fish and chips. Battered and deep fried. Wanted it, so had it. Had one chip. Potatoes and french fries aren't nearly as wonderful as I remembered them to be, so one was enough. The fish on the other hand, that greasy batter and fish itself actually was very satisfying. The tartar sauce and coleslaw on the other hand - too sweet, had a taste and left it. Not sure why so much sugar is added to things, but yuck. The steamed veg lovely. So blew my caloric budget by a bit, but leaned into the actual want of food. Aftereffects though? Yikes. Body isn't quite sure what to do with all that grease and batter. Queen of the belch today.

Seems like my body has adapted to a new way of eating and likes it better. I'll stick with the baked or pan fried fish in future and bypass the deep fried batter thing.

Concert was excellent. Quite enjoyed it. Good for me as casino concerts were not part of my time with John (except for one with Joe Cocker at Rama in 2009).

Will continue to lean into things that I love/loved and did pre John/during the John years. In the months to come will look to doing things that are net new activities. Earlier this spring I had gone to a meeting of the newly formed cycling club in my area. Life of course took a turn, got busy with doctors and treatments and that got put on the back burner. At the moment still not an option as I need feeling in my left foot to be safe, but am positive that the docs will figure out what is going on.

So onwards and upwards. One day at a time

Over and out

26 July 2024

Good afternoon FS friends

Better day yesterday and so far today. Went to the walk in clinic last evening about the left drop foot issue. Went for xrays of pelvis and spine this morning and have been referred back to the zap doctor since the now bad left leg/foot was used as a baseline for the diagnosis of the right foot. Hard to believe the original test was only 2.5 months ago (seems like a lifetime) If we can at least find out what's causing this, figure out a resolution I hopefully can get back to normal gimpy mobility. My dogs deserve to be walked regularly but at the moment the risk of falling is just too great.

Went to the butcher today to pick up some meaty treats. That was a tough one as John and I were in there at least once a week. Done and over with. These firsts are tough, but the more I get through them the better. Yay.

Have a date for the memorial service - Aug 10 at 2PM. His son landed on a great spot just 2km from home and faces the water. Perfect.

And food. Well hopefully the items from the butcher will stimulate my palate. What I am liking lately as previously mentioned is cheese, cherries and pineapple. Weird or what.

Anyways, another day passes. Tonight am going to the Babyface concert and out to dinner with my friend pre concert. Change of pace will be good.

Over and out

AJ

25 July 2024

Good afternoon FS friends

Slept in today. A rare occurence as since starting weight loss in March of 2023, I generally wake up between 5 and 6 AM (without an alarm clock). Today I woke up at 4 and figured it best to go back to bed and proceeded to sleep until 9:30AM. Head is foggy but haven't used sleep aids at all in a couple of weeks.

Probably an emotional hangover from yesterday. Day started out well, went to physio (the left drop foot isn't improving at all). Figure I must have done some damage the day John died as I didn't adhere to any hip precautions at all. The acetabulum that was wired together in 2017 "burns".

Got home, got dressed to go do yard work when the phone rang. They were asking for John. Turns out it was the home care team trying to book an appointment. They had not been advised that he'd passed. Monday the 22nd would have been his last day of treatment which is why they would have called now. So I cried. Shortly after that another call came in. A lovely lady who was my hospital roommate when my acetabulum fracture was repaired and we've stayed quite close since then. More tears. Then got another call from a lady I became friends with in Toronto. An avid gardener who lost her husband 5 years ago. More tears from both of us. Then John's brother showed up and we were going through old pictures. You guessed it. More tears. Felt like I'd been hit by a Mac truck by the end of the day and still do.

Funny how the silence of late has been overwhelming and then BAM more human interaction than I can bear in one day.

Tired of crying. Wish I had a normal appetite again. Haven't used Ozempic in 6 weeks, so the appetite suppression has nothing to do with that. Totally emotional. Am eating though, as the body needs fuel. Everything tastes like sawdust.

Today will be a better day

Over and out

23 July 2024

Good morning FS friends

Another day. Missed physio today as got the time wrong. Grief brain fog sucks big time. Going tomorrow instead.

Eavestrough cleaners are here. John was going to do it last fall, but got sick early November so it didn't happen. You have to know that if you have small oak saplings growing out of the troughs that they are clogged up and won't do the house any good.

John's youngest son called yesterday and will be coming by this afternoon. He has asked me to go look at some places where the memorial service might be held in this region. For this I'm grateful as there has been an underlying fear/insecurity that I won't be included in either the planning or the event itself. Despite such a long history together/apart, not sure that any of the sons fully appreciated the depth/breadth of our relationship or the close connection we had through these years.

Food wise I'm a mess. For some reason cheese and nuts keep calling me and I keep eating them. Calorie dense, not particularly filling, but the want for those foods are pretty strong. I've had cravings before, but this go round it is a feeling of "must have". Maybe it is a by product of the two weeks of adrenaline pumping and weird eating after John died and the unusual amount weight lost at that time. Body might be trying to find homeostasis again.

Another day passes

Over and out

22 July 2024

Weight: Lost so far: Still to go: Diet followed:
69.0 kg 50.7 kg 5.5 kg Reasonably Well
   (1 comment) Losing 0.3 kg a Week


Annisworkingonit's Weight History


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