Annisworkingonit's Journal

Annisworkingonit's Profile | Weight History

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04 September 2024

Good morning FS friends,

So my eating is back to program. Yay. At the moment it is the only thing I can control, so I will. Would love to get to goal by June of next year. At this point it is a slow slog. 1/4 lb a week is a win. Even maintenance is a win. Never thought that being normal weight was a possibility, and yet here we are. Now the goal is to get to mid range normal BMI and build some more muscle mass.

Took my 20 yo cat Angus to the vet this morning to get his monthly arthritis shot. Poor old guy. He hates the crate and car ride. With hyperthyroid and hypertension he's a bonerack at this point. Takes his pills beautifully when tucked into dabs of liverwurst though. Wish Miss Oscar would be so accomodating as she was recently diagnosed hyperthyroid as well. She licks the liverwurst and leaves the pill behind. Have to manually pill her and have the claw marks to prove it. Dear sweet girl.

From 17lbs when he came to me 17 years ago, to 6 lbs now. Not expecting that he'll be with me much longer, but he's still eating and talking and moving (not fast). As long as he carries on as he is doing now, his time hasn't come quite yet. Admittedly I wake each day and wonder if I'll find him expired as he does sleep alot. Then again, most cats do. Will post a picture of both Angus and Oscar later today or tomorrow.

It's odd how life goes. 4 of my 5 rescued furries are seniors now and I had every expectation that 2 or more would leave me for the bridge this year. Never in a million years did I think that the middle aged human man would be the first to leave us. Our long long term plan included being roomies in long term care when we reached that stage of our lives. Granted, I'd much rather age in place here by the river as my 96yo neighbour is doing.

We had a great walk today with the pups. Now they're pooped and I'm off to mow the lawn.

One day, one step at a time

Over and out

(1 comment)

02 September 2024

Good afternoon FS friends

Not weighing in today as it would only add to the burden of an already heavy heart. That being said, back on track today and going forward. September at work was always our time to set new objectives. Sort of like the beginning of a new school year...new beginning, new goals. And so, I've decided to make a conscious effort to rebuild my routines too.

The littles and I went for a 5k walk today. Many stops and starts to sniff along the way (them, not me). They are loving the new routine. Are they stellarly great on leash? No, but getting better. My oldest guy Ozzy struggles a bit. He has cancer and we live day by day, he does enjoy the outing. Saw a dead opossum on the trail. Sad. They are great little tick munchers and much needed in our ecosystem.

The lawn bowling dinner was interesting. Got there before my friends did, didn't know a soul, but managed to socialise nonetheless. The beauty of a much older demographic is that many of them have already walked the path I'm on at the moment and have successfully come out the other side.

A NSV of having lost a significant amount of weight is how helpful middle aged men are when you're shopping at Canadian Tire. I was looking for a tire inflator (portable one) to pump up the tires on the boat trailer and my lawn tractor as needed. This employee gives me "the look". Ladies, you know the one...top to bottom and back up again. Can't say that I've personally ever had it happen in my life before, but certainly a pleasant change from the invisible fat person of the past. He took me around the store from automotive to sporting goods. Did we find what I was looking for? Nah. But having help like that was certainly a novelty. Not being invisible, another novelty.

And so life goes on

Over and out

(6 comments)

31 August 2024

Good afternoon FS friends

And so the days pass. Would love to say I've been entirely on track with food intake but I have not. Evenings remain my downfall. Not even hungry, just trying to numb out. Last night was rice thins. Lesson learned, just can't have that stuff in the house at all. Ah well. This too shall pass.

Continue on the rollercoaster of grief. Having some passable days where tears aren't so close to the surface, and others like today that just plain suck. I think it is a Saturday thing. John passed 11 weeks ago today, Memorial was 3 weeks ago. Whatever the root cause is, I'm not enojoying it at all but also recognise that time, gieving and the process of rebuilding the new normal is part and parcel of this journey.

The finality is finally sinking in. You would think that would be obvious, but it isn't. The boat that I bought just a short year ago for our use, will be leaving next week. She is of a size and weight that was fine to be towed by Johns honking huge truck. My 13yo Rogue? Odds are the boat would be towing me instead. I was early on in the process of learning how to launch it, run it, so even with a marina slot, just wouldn't be comfortable doing this alone. Found a good home for her. Won't recoup the cost, but so it goes. We had fun whilst we had her and were both able bodied. Good memories. I see her each day when I wake and she just causes pain now. That spot in the driveway is better filled with 20 yards of triple mix to distribute in Sept/Oct into the yard.

We had so many plans for boating this spring, then of course the cancer diagnosis and treatments started. So our plans changed as we were going to celebrate the rest of the summer on the water after July 22nd when treatments ended. Yah. That didn't quite work out as planned. As John Lennon wrote "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". (love the song Beautiful Boy)

Went to a concert last night - Howard Jones from the 80's British invasion. It was a bit of a distraction, but I got tired as am not sleeping well so left before the concert ended.

Today, I'm off to an end of season lawn bowling dinner as my friends +1. Another distraction and it'll get me out of here and out of my head for a bit.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Over and out.

(6 comments)

28 August 2024

Good afternoon FS friends

So I've gone off the rails again. I guess with the new big gaping hole in my life I'm reverting to old behaviours (sort of). Carb numbing and overdosing on food of all kinds. Left home 2 evenings ago on purpose to get something that I thought would make me feel better. Grabbed a quarter cake. Cut the quarter into quarters and had 1 piece. Made me feel sick. Gave the rest to a neighbour a few doors down yesterday. Had a whole box of Kraft dinner yesterday. Same thing. Made me feel sick. Didn't fill the void at all, just added a layer of feeling unwell on top of the void. If there were a positive to any of this, once upon a time, not so long ago, I would have bought the whole darn cake and eaten it in two days or less (in addition to full meals). Didn't serve my body well then and for certain isn't helping at all now.

I'm finding that evenings are the absolute worst time of day. By day I can keep busy, but am really noticing John's absence in the evenings where dinner would be cooked and shared, TV would be viewed, dogs would be loved on, bed would be snuggled in, plans for the next day made. Now evenings drag on and on and on. Even though he wasn't here all the time, there was such a routine to our life together. If I could go to bed at 8PM I would, but by 3 in the morning I'd be up and wondering what to do next.

I know this will all settle down with time and acceptance. It has to. As I expand my social network and add periodic evening activities, things will get better. Going to the gym in the evening might be an option as well.

In a couple of weeks I will be at the 3 month grieving mark. Only then will I be allowed to participate in the in person grief groups, walks and activities. I can see why they do this as the early months have been brutally painful and emotionally raw. My pain could be triggering for other people that are futher along in their grief journeys.

On the upside, my friend got concert tickets for Friday night for some 80s electronica bands. Not entirely my cup of tea, but it gets me out of here.

My wish is to wake up full of beans in the mornings again as has been the case most days prior to the event. Am missing that energy at the moment. Just one drop foot in front of the other these days.

Over and out.

(2 comments)

26 August 2024

Good morning FS friends

Another gain. Clearly eating out with friends doesn't work for me. Just can't account properly for what is consumed. Another eating out experience to happen this week with a couple of guy friends of John's. Kind of funny as I've eaten out more this past couple of months than the entirety of the 15 months prior. I'm sure people figure this out with time and experience.

Not particularly fussed about it. Back to the program of intake monitoring and movement. Slowly but surely the last of it will come off. All that being said, have lost 6 lbs since John's death which tracks better to my target of losing 1/4 to 1/2 lb a week. What was happening weight wise after his death and after the memorial were fake numbers. Adrenaline/anxiety induced fight or flight response. Instant colonic. The numbers were pretty to look at on the scale, but not real.

GP is rght. Body would seek to find homeostatis and that it's doing at the moment.

MRI done yesterday. Boy is that machine loud. Had some anxiety as have a metal filled pelvis and fake hip. No issues though so if ever I need another one done easy peasy.

Hopefully they'll get to the root of my foot drop issue and either fix it, or figure out a safe way to manage it. I want my mobility back.

Over and out

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
69.6 kg	50.2 kg	6.1 kg	Poorly

(3 comments) Gaining 0.3 kg a Week

Annisworkingonit's Weight History

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