Annisworkingonit's Journal

Annisworkingonit's Profile | Weight History

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02 August 2024

Good morning FS friends,

Enough ranting from me. Glad that today is calling for rain most of the day but is cooler than it has been the past few days. Between heat and humidity pretty brutal, but the beauty of having lost 100+ lbs is that heat tolerance is far better. Just making sure to hydrate regularly helps too.

Given my clay based soil is like concrete when it's dry, the rain will make pulling/digging weeds a heck of a lot simpler. Since I don't melt, don't care if I get wet and muddy. Weed pulling for me is so cathartic....kind of like washing dishes as you see the fruits of your labour pretty quickly.

Decided that I don't care whether the sons cover costs or not. It is my last act of kindness for John. Ranting about it yesterday was just small minded of me. As to the process of gathering things together, all that is left now is to sort through the tackle boxes and gather what I will use to fish with in future. All drawers, cupboards, closets and the outbuilding are complete. A week ahead of schedule. Stuff will be ready to leave when the boys leave after the memorial.

And so it goes. Onward into my future.

Over and out

(2 comments)

01 August 2024

Good morning FS Friends

Another hot day on the Mighty Niagara River. Continue to putter around gathering Johns things, dealing with weeds. Attention span is short so flit from task to task.

What I've noticed is that the younger generation, specifically John's sons, suck at communication. The memorial is fast approaching and yet details have yet to be firmed up. Sent out an email to them this morning regarding all aspects of what will need to be attended to. Having walked this path more than once before, the magic just doesn't happen by winging it. Maybe I'm old. Maybe it is my past life as a project manager/task list person that drives the need for planning. Don't know. Just know that this loosey goosey approach doesn't work.

Cost associated with all of this is becoming burdensome too. To add insult to injury, my normal monthly income didn't land in my bank account as it should this morning. My financial planner is on vacation so unreachable. His backup wants to have a call this afternoon...Aaargh. What the heck for?
This regularly scheduled payment has been in play for almost a decade. Nothing new. That they migrated to a new back office technology system isn't my issue.

Guess at the root of it, I'm mad at John and his family. That none of these costs were covered or will be covered. Not like I'm a recipient of any part of the estate, his sons are as he died intestate. And yet morally, for me it is the right thing to do. That these things be taken care of properly and on a timely basis. The upside, after all this is said and done, a significant expense in my life the last 19 years has been John so at the end of the day I'll have a bit more to invest in me and self care (which I totally suck at).

So I suppose today could be labelled one of "mad" ones. One of the stressful ones.

Must get out of victim mentality and decide whether to insist that the memorial costs be covered by them. Already covered the body removal/cremation costs myself.

I am my own worst enemy. Change is coming. Am doing it on the weight loss front...need to start on the being too helpful front as it has not served me well.

Rant over

Over and out

(5 comments)

30 July 2024

Good afternoon FS friends
.
So the date for John's memorial has been set. August 10th. His sons decided to have it just down the road from here. Perfect spot. The chapel/auditorium faces the Mighty Niagara River, has a fieldstone fireplace with a natural gas fire. Three elements that John loved..water,fire and stone.

The 3 sons and their families will stay here as they did the weekend prior to John's passing. Bittersweet as his absence will be felt. As an only child from a tiny family I'm not used to that many people around, let alone young children. John was the buffer when they were here. Suck it up buttercup. I can do this.

Odds are that once the memorial is done and the sons move on to their own lives again, I won't see them again. Have been quite busy going through the house and outbuilding to cull things that belonged to him so that they might take them away when they leave. The odd thing I'm keeping, like his favourite tie that he always wore when we attended formal events and it will go into my memory box along with a few other small mementos.

It's remarkable how lives become so interwoven. I went for my biannual mammogram today and remembered that 2 years ago he dropped me off, did some shopping and picked me up afterwards. Wasn't expecting that bit of memory to hit but it did. Sad.

Crying less, doing more, still have brain fog, but so it goes.

One foot in front of the other

Over and out

(1 comment)

29 July 2024

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
68.9 kg	50.9 kg	5.4 kg	Reasonably Well

Add Comment Losing 0.2 kg a Week

28 July 2024

Dear FS Friends

Just wanted to say Thank You for your support. Both with the ongoing weight loss journey as well as the compassion and insights you have shown me with the passing of John.

The support of community, whether that be in real life or virtual means the world! Feeling far less alone and lost as a result.

Heading into the yard to start work as they're calling for a hot day ahead. Not a fan of heat and humidity. Makes me feel like a limp noodle.

Another day passes, one foot in front of another.

Over and out

(1 comment)

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