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Good afternoon FS friends
And so the days pass. Would love to say I've been entirely on track with food intake but I have not. Evenings remain my downfall. Not even hungry, just trying to numb out. Last night was rice thins. Lesson learned, just can't have that stuff in the house at all. Ah well. This too shall pass.
Continue on the rollercoaster of grief. Having some passable days where tears aren't so close to the surface, and others like today that just plain suck. I think it is a Saturday thing. John passed 11 weeks ago today, Memorial was 3 weeks ago. Whatever the root cause is, I'm not enojoying it at all but also recognise that time, gieving and the process of rebuilding the new normal is part and parcel of this journey.
The finality is finally sinking in. You would think that would be obvious, but it isn't. The boat that I bought just a short year ago for our use, will be leaving next week. She is of a size and weight that was fine to be towed by Johns honking huge truck. My 13yo Rogue? Odds are the boat would be towing me instead. I was early on in the process of learning how to launch it, run it, so even with a marina slot, just wouldn't be comfortable doing this alone. Found a good home for her. Won't recoup the cost, but so it goes. We had fun whilst we had her and were both able bodied. Good memories. I see her each day when I wake and she just causes pain now. That spot in the driveway is better filled with 20 yards of triple mix to distribute in Sept/Oct into the yard.
We had so many plans for boating this spring, then of course the cancer diagnosis and treatments started. So our plans changed as we were going to celebrate the rest of the summer on the water after July 22nd when treatments ended. Yah. That didn't quite work out as planned. As John Lennon wrote "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". (love the song Beautiful Boy)
Went to a concert last night - Howard Jones from the 80's British invasion. It was a bit of a distraction, but I got tired as am not sleeping well so left before the concert ended.
Today, I'm off to an end of season lawn bowling dinner as my friends +1. Another distraction and it'll get me out of here and out of my head for a bit.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Over and out.
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 Comments
Hold on to those memories. So sorry for your loss 😢
Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing your best.
Hugs❤️🩹🥰
31 Aug 24 by member: karlowe
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Awwww you made me play the song beautiful boy just now. I had forgotten how beautiful that song is. Thank you for that. Keep forging ahead sis. Good times are ahead and you certainly deserve them.
31 Aug 24 by member: Yearofhealth2023
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I am so glad you are getting out of the house. Too much time alone gives one too much time to dwell on the negative. We have a boat too and lots of great memories were made on it.
31 Aug 24 by member: -MorticiaAddams
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All I wanted to do was crawl under the blankets and stay there. It took time and I hated the people telling me that. But time went and the pain edged away with it. from here till then, live your emotion and get help if you must I felt ashamed going to see a professional because I was afraid of being judged for being weak. I got over that fast as I saw the results. Hope you have a support group too.
01 Sep 24 by member: sweetiebird
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Ahh what a poignant and meaningful quote ❤️
01 Sep 24 by member: le-ah.
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Hi Ann? Oh, how I can relate. A long, but shorter (with beautiful memories, finally). Some 18 months ago, I lost my best Buddy, lover and wife for 54 of the best years imaginable. The hurt slowly but eventually, transitions (as if by magic) into fond memories that we never think will come. But it's part of life and the amazement of the human spirit. Hang in; the love doesn't change, only the pain. You'll be fine.
01 Sep 24 by member: grandbears
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