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Good morning FS friends
A beautiful morning here by the Mighty Niagara River. Forecast says it'll be a hot humid one, so will head out, do some weeding while the temps are relatively tolerable. Will save the riding lawnmower lawn mow for later in the afternoon. Push mow tomorrow AM.
Have found a recipe that I'll try for dinner for a crustless imitation crab quiche. Hopefully it'll be OK as I needed to substitute some ingredients (kefir instead of mayo for instance). If I don't like it, then off to Ms. Fox it goes.
Went to a concert last night at Safari Niagara in their open air amphitheater Originally I had bought the tickets for John and me months ago. Went with my friend instead. Music was good (live generally is), people watching was fun. Didn't stay to the end though as I was tired. Been trying to not use the sleep aids and although the sleep quality isn't quite there yet, it is getting a bit better.
Oddly, the current state of grief is one of resignation. Hard to believe that a month has passed since the day. Back to the old "give me the grace to accept the things I cannot change". John is gone, never to return. I must learn to step into my new life with grace. Our time together was far from sunshine and roses, but as with everything in life there was good. I loved the man despite it all. In reading my past postings on FS, the ambivalence of our relationship reads loud and clear. Prior to his illness in November, I did have a good degree of independence and very much lived my life as a mostly single person with him as a regular visitor. Since the illness though, and the shared purpose of getting him well, the intensity increased, the walls came down and I let myself become fully vested again. Oh well. I take comfort in the fact that he died here and not alone at his home. That he died in this beautiful place. That he died knowing he was very much loved.
And so another day passes
Over and out
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1191 kcal
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Fat: 34.90g | Prot: 89.36g | Carbs: 146.76g.
Breakfast: GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla, Orgain Organic Protein Plant Based Protein Powder Creamy Chocolate Fudge. Lunch: Great Value Frozen Mixed Berries, Great Value Almond Milk Vanilla Unsweetened, GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla, Peach, Gatorade G2 Perform 02 - Grape (20 oz). Dinner: Everything Veggie Salad, Renee's Gourmet Mighty Caesar Dressing, Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh), Crustless imitation crab quiche. Snacks/Other: Pineapple. more...
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 Comments
Crab quiche sounds fantastic - hope it turns out for you!! Interesting reading about the yin/yang energies, as I too am like you when it comes to exhibiting a more masculine energy. I'm glad that you are learning how to cope with the emotional influences of your life journey....as I feel those are the hardest to control. ~ ♡ Sending Hugs! ♡ ~
14 Jul 24 by member: -Nadja-
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John was a huge part of your daily life. His death has left a void that you are struggling to fill with other things. Not an easy task for sure. It is a process and you are doing well. Hugs!
14 Jul 24 by member: rhontique
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Grief is a lengthy process and it is not linear. I have experienced a lot of it in my life. As a nurse and in my private life. I lost almost all of my family from 1995-1998 and it was a lot of people. Mom, step-mom, both grandmothers, step-grandma, my aunt, all my great aunts and uncles who I was close to. My FIL. ALL the women in my family were gone when I was 48. My friends were shell-shocked by what I went through. They watched me closely as they were afraid I would fall apart. It made me stronger because I had a child in junior high and my hubby to take care of and they went through this too and they also suffered. So I was brave for them. I wanted them to have a good life. I did my crying in private. I prayed a lot. I strongly felt my deceased family members watching over me. I still have all of the scars but I made it. You will too.
14 Jul 24 by member: -MorticiaAddams
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Thank you ladies. Morticia, you are one heck of a strong woman. I too have scars and I know this current open wound will scab over and heal with time. My worries surround what's next. I do have faith that the Universe will enlighten me when the time is right. Having lived a purpose driven life with a big caregiving component, it is rather odd to be in a spot where the person needing care is me. Likely why I'm in an introspective/seeking mode at the moment. Maybe that is the message for now and the rest will come with time.
14 Jul 24 by member: Annisworkingonit
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It will be different for me this time too when I lose my hubby. I will be alone but I have no choice but to trudge on. We are alive for a purpose. Maybe it is time for both of us to focus on ourselves. I know I have rarely done that.
15 Jul 24 by member: -MorticiaAddams
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