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Good afternoon FS Friends
So am back to incorporating some of my old routines into my days. Every 5 days or so I chop a big container of base ingredients for a salad. When John was here it was always a challenge to find fridge space. No such issue now.
Back on track with the daily at home physio as I want to walk normally again.
Back to "raising self awareness". Am participating in an "All About Transitions" on line retreat. 3 hours/3 speakers a day but the content is both enlightening and causes some sorrow. My take away so far is twofold: 1) don't fear change, initiate it - it is through the perceived pain of change that we grow into who we are meant to be, and the purpose we're meant to serve. To a degree I have done that with the commitment to my physical health - need to work on the emotional part of my journey though 2) another speaker was talking about yin and yang/male and female energies and how these impact our lives. In my case I was born female and carry many of the feminine traits, caregiving being one of them. Have come to realise though that I tend to typically act more as a male energy given my past career, self reliance, independence. It is exactly that that has led to less than fortuitous relationships where my actual core need is to be nurtured and protected, yet I push that away. In pushing away that part of my relationship with John I did both of us a disservice. He needed to be needed, I didn't want to be needy. Catch 22. Someday perhaps I will find equilibrium where with the right person, right energy I can be a bit of both.
So I saw an intake grief therapist yesterday. I'm not eligible for any of the group work until at least 3 months post loss has passed, however in the meanwhile there will be some online sessions regarding coping strategies, meditation and midfulness that I can particpate in. He also identified that I was showing signs of PTSD and led me to a resource that might help me get rid of the recurring flashbacks/anxiety of the events that surrounded John's passing. Best I do this soon before it becomes entrenched.
So that's it. Another day passes.
Over and out
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869 kcal
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Fat: 28.23g | Prot: 61.64g | Carbs: 104.21g.
Breakfast: Lactantia 10% Half & Half Cream, GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla, Orgain Organic Protein Plant Based Protein Powder Creamy Chocolate Fudge. Dinner: Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh), Crustless imitation crab quiche. Snacks/Other: Sweet Cherries (Queen Anne, Bing). more...
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