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Lacing my sneakers, I sigh deeply. It's just another day in my 200+ pound world. I grind my teeth. I really don't want to get up and go to the gym. I think about my resolve to myself. I figure out how far I've come, how far I've come in life, how far I've come so far on this "journey." I double knot my sneakers (Of course, the laces tend to loosen if I don't). I fight myself to get the hell up and go. I fight the mind games. Usually, I don't mind getting up and going. Today...."This is tough. I want to go back to bed. I have so many things to do. I don't have time to squeeze an hour slot out of my day to get what I need to get done for myself."
I turn the raging thoughts off swirling through my head. On the days that you don't want to show up, make certain that you SHOW up. I remind myself of this resolve gently and yet firmly at the same time. This happened on numerous occasions.
Gather your belongings. Make sure your gym bag is ready. Grab a protein shake. Time for the trek to the gym which is about a 1/2 mile walk from home. It is mostly uphill. I am huffing and puffing as I walk up to the gym doors. That's my work out for the day, I think to myself amusingly. I walk through the doors.
It's gonna be one of those cardio days. I leap on my favorite machine, the treadmill. I'm not going to go crazy today, I think to myself. I am just glad that I made it here despite the hedging thoughts that whirled through my mind earlier. I set the treadmill at a 3.0 incline and begin.
Halfway through the workout, I feel pride coursing through my veins and this lighthearted feeling that is indescribable. I raise the incline. I continuously increase the speed. I start to realize that I want to break out into a run. I feel their eyes on me. I feel all eyes on me from the others working out or lifting. It feels like I am taking a stage. Their eyes. I feel so exhilarated from this run. I have to keep pace with the treadmill. I have to keep pace with the steep incline. I can't fall off. Gotta keep going. I am competing with myself. Just another 3 minutes. 2...1...keep up. I am clearing around the 30-second mark. I cannot explain the rush. There is no high greater than keeping up with the speed and incline of this machine.
Finally, the timer hits zero. I cannot believe that I made it through the mind numbing chatter that is sure to hold anybody back. I sanitize the machine and start on my 1/2 mile walk home. It's over for the day. I am one step closer to getting everything I want.
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