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Thank you everyone for your helpful comments on my last entry. I honestly do not know why I am doing this other than pure laziness. Maybe I am subconsciously mad at my husband for selling the treadmill although we both had agreed to sell it bc I wasnt using it, but then it didnt sell so I was like ok cool, I will need that when I get home. He then lowered the price and sold it and I had no clue! I know that I ate last night too but it was healthier than a candy bar, it was the spanglish sandwich(still not so healthy especially at 930pm). I have to do some self talk to myself today and get into gear and workout, hard, today. I can do this!
Maybe it is all the stress of our house situation? We still have no idea what is going to happen. Maybe its money stress, we are usually very good with our money but since Alaska we have been a little broke. He had to take more than a week off of work unpaid so I could go. So the last 2 pays have been really low. It cost him 1200.00 for him to stay home.
Regardless of what it is it needs to stop! I need to stop this and get myself under control! Oh wait, I just thought of something. I have been dreading the 18th of this month all month. It is the 1 year anniversary of my best friends death. That just may be it. I was 254lbs when he died. I have been dreading this month all year. How do I work thru those feelings if that is it? I guess part of me doesnt want this to happen. I still think that maybe I can go back and save him. I miss him so much, so does my husband. They were bff for 18 years and 10 for me. His bday is in Oct. We had always said we would play these tricks on our bdays. We were planning on giving hemorrhoid cream, depends, things like that. I miss him. He wouldnt want me to get fat and unhealthy again, I know that much.
Today I will try harder.
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1448 kcal
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Fat: 40.27g | Prot: 95.55g | Carbs: 184.75g.
Breakfast: cinnamon raisin bagel, peanut butter. Lunch: strawberry, fit and active pepperoni sandwich, string cheese, water. Dinner: chicken strips, penne. Snacks/Other: m&m. more...
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 Comments
My dear ... I think you are onto the reasons why things have been such a struggle recently. You have indeed been under an unusual amount of stress, even for you. I know there is always stress in your life but it is the "typical" stress ... that you are accustomed to and do well with. The anniversary of a death is difficult, especially the first one. And to lose someone so close to you, at an age that was unexpected is particularly difficult. AND ... your trip probably threw you more for a loop than you realized. I have NO DOUBT that you will once again find your rhythm. I wish you could do something nurturing for yourself ... like a hot bath, massage, pedicure or manicure, trying on clothes, something. Let yourself nurture yourself in whatever way is feasible. Let yourself grieve the loss of your dear friend. Wrap yourself up in the comfort of your loved ones that are still here. Be KIND to yourself, you SO deserve it. This too shall pass ... By the way, what is a spanglish sandwich??? Is it from the movie Spanglish? I love that movie!! Take care my friend, my warm thoughts are with you!!
14 Aug 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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You can do it yogamama!!!
14 Aug 09 by member: Suzi161
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Thanks gals. Yes madaboutmoose it is the sandwich from the wedding toast dippy egg bacon and sharp chedder oh and lettuce. I wish I had time to nurture myself. Maybe this weekend I can.
14 Aug 09 by member: yogamama3
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I am sorry for your loss and can understand your stress considering all the things going on. I hope you will find time to be good to yourself and to mourn in any way you need to. {{{{hugs}}}
16 Aug 09 by member: dawn0001
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So many simple things influence us: the weather, our furniture, our families. Then there are major things that case major stress: home and death are two factors that can cause severe reactions in our brains. Celebrate your friend's life with a good dinner and a long cry in your husband's arms! Take care of yourself and your husband! Best wishes to you!
16 Aug 09 by member: abbadabba
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