This journey just keeps taking more and more twists and turns. I am starting to wonder if that saying "God only gives you what you can handle" is actually true? Part of me is feeling like enough is enough and I can't take one more crazy emotional minute or stressful day. On the other hand though, I am feeling stronger today. I decided yesterday that it was time to go to therapy. I am NOT a huge fan of therapy, not for myself anyway. I have always had the philosophy that my past just made me who I am and I am happy with my life, my family, etc. What I have been denying is that my past has shaped how I react to things and how I feel about things too. I lived a really traumatic childhood filled with domestic violence, alcholic parents, abuse, etc. and I have always been determined to make my life better and I have. I married an amazing man, have 3 beautiful kids, and overall a pretty damn good life. Yet, I still feel crappy inside... WTF? So I think I am at the point in my life where I am ready to take a giant leap and open the door to the past and clean that s**t out! Once and for all, face it, acknowledge its place in my PAST, and move beyond it. Admitting that I need someone to help me through this process is not easy for me.
Since finding this site and starting to lose weight again in July, the weight loss part has been pretty good (about 26 lbs down) and it has been fairly easy. I have been dealing with ALOT of stuff during this time but I haven't eaten over it. That is a huge deal for me as I am a bigtime emotional eater. Yesterday when I left the evaluation appointment for therapy, there is a Jack in the Box in the parking lot. For the first time since July, I actually had this very strong urge to drive through and stuff myself full of food. I had to really talk myself out of it and it was difficult. :( It kind of scared me to feel that feeling again as it has been dormant for a while now. I am glad I was able to win over the feeling but that was just the evaluation appointment. I am a little bit scared to see what feelings will be triggered when therapy actually begins...
For today though, I am optimistic.
View Diet Calendar, 02 September 2010:
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1072 kcal
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Fat: 22.39g | Prot: 72.05g | Carbs: 139.60g.
Breakfast: Lite Vanilla Yogurt, Water (Bottled). Lunch: Plums, Water (Bottled), Herb Roasted Chicken. Dinner: Sweet Chili Pepper Sauce, Coke Zero, White Rice, Pot Sticker, Chicken Chow Mein, Mandarin Orange Chicken without Sauce. Snacks/Other: Extra Creamy Whipped Cream, Ready Crust - Graham, Cherry Pie Fillings (Low Calorie), Skinny Vanilla Latte (Venti), Multigrain Crackers, Oven Roasted Turkey Breast. more...
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