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I keep surprising myself with my progress. I'm kinda humble about it at the same time though, kinda embarrassed in a way. I hate social attitudes about weight and I'd never want to endorse them in any way, but I kinda feel that by losing weight I've sold out in a sense. It's odd.
I've been thinking about why I've been so motivated with it. I think one day I kinda just cracked, enough was enough. I was having problems with acid, it had me vomiting two or three times a week. Obviously I couldn't get around like I can now either. I felt sluggish and lethargic and quite depressed. I just didn't have the will or self-worth to do anything about it either. I felt like if I did make an effort to lose weight, the anti-fat brigade would be winning. I convinced myself that I wouldn't feel any better about myself if I did lose some weight, and to an extent it's true. The main thing has been noticing my fitness improving but also being able to be a bit more selective about what I wear. I've been volunteering in a charity shop and I've been buying loads of new clothes from there when I can afford it. Clothes to me used to be a means to an end, so long as they weren't too expensive and were comfortable enough without making me look like an idiot, I'd have them. Lately I've found myself buying stuff that I thought would look good on other people. Never been confident about my appearance but every now and again I catch a glimpse of myself and think I'm better than I give myself credit for.
I think the recession has made it a hell of a lot easier too. Like I say, I've been volunteering at a charity shop just for the sake of something to do. I can't afford to take the bus so I have to walk, I can't afford to go to Burger King like I used to. I gave up meat anyway just to be on the safe side. I can't afford to drink as heavily as I used to. When I get a job I'm kinda worried that I might fall into a few bad habits again. Only time will tell I suppose.
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